Church of the Unholy

History: The Church of the Unholy was first formed by Belial in 1209 A.D. and the actual Church is located close to the Vatican City in Rome, Italy. It has avoided detection for years. The evil Sith Lord James VARGA, the future Darth Varga, and his best friend and former UWF feud partner AXEL Action found the Church and used VARGA's intimate knowledge of the Dark Arts to get the Church back to power. Now they are out to destroy the world...once and for all!

Members: Evil James/Dark Varga (tag -Team AmeriPAN and singles) AXEL Action (tag - Team AmeriPAN and singles) Captain Carnage (singles) Xenomorph (tag - Universal Bad Asses) Yautja (tag - Universal Bad Asses) Belial (singles) Grave Digger (singles) Dick (non-wrestling, manager - VARGA/Dark Varga, a pissed off rocker in his forties who talks trash and is blunt about everything) Ace Action (non-wrestling, manager - Team AmeriPAN) The Satanic Nun (non-wrestling, manager) Unholy Knights (non-wrestling, bodyguards) Mr. C.G. Murder (non-wrestling, Tioneb's best friend when he was alive, likes to commit murder for fun) Devil Dan (non-wrestling, an annoying prankster in a devil costume) The Unholy Power Rangers (non-wrestling, five Rangers with powers of Demonzords) Mecha Stein (non-wrestling, kaiju) Mecha Cheney (non-wrestling, kaiju) Mecha Dio (non-wrestling, kaiju) Midget Varga (non-wrestling) Midget Action (non-wrestling) Unholy Ninjas (non-wrestling, sneak attacks backstage and other dirty deeds) Fallen Demi-God Tioneb (non-wrestling, group leader/unholy deity they worship) Cyber Ninjas (non-wrestling, sneak attacks backstage and other dirty deeds) Possessed Homeless People (non-wrestling, stalking) Boobs McGee (non-wrestling, AXEL's girlfriend) Brandi Blowjob (non-wrestling, VARGA's girlfriend) Unholy Demon Guardians (non-wrestling, guardians of the Church grounds) Unholy Jesters (non-wrestling, do AXEL’s evil deeds at a moment‘s notice) Humanoid Subcreatures (non-wrestling) Hounds of Hell (non-wrestling, guardians of the Church grounds and surrounding wilderness areas) Unholy Druids (non-wrestling, demonic worship and other evil deeds) Warlocks (non-wrestling, spell casting) Witches (non-wrestling, spell casting) Critters (non-wrestling, ambush) Ghoulies (non-wrestling, summoned for evil deeds) Wendigo (non-wrestling, protects the Church from Angel Vince who tries to eliminate all mention of Tioneb from Earth to prevent Armageddon) Demonically Possessed Roid Freak (non-wrestling, some crazy roided up body builder who is in love with himself) Satanzilla (non-wrestling, a giant reptilian Godzilla monster from Hell) Killer Kong (non-wrestling, an evil member of the Donkey Kong family who is psychotic and a brutal murderer)

Church UNHOLY Facts: 1. VARGA claims that the movie "The Giant Claw" has the Church's seal of approval. 2. AXEL claims that he is the son of the Anti-Christ. 3. Evil James VARGA is the Anti-Christ, so therefore AXEL is the product of his Unholy semen. 4. Evil James VARGA is NOT the Anti-Christ, he just thinks he is. So therefore, AXEL is not the product of his Unholy semen. 5. Evil James VARGA wants to have eyes like Jessica Alba in "The Eye" so he can see shadow humanoid subcreatures taking away the souls of the dead. 6. AXEL Action has demon spawn in 49 of 50 states. 7. Evil James' favorite movies are "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and "The Goonies." 8. AXEL's favorite band is Maroon 5. 9. Evil James' favorite band is Kool and the Gang. 10. AXEL's favorite pornstar is Jenna Jameson. 11. Evil James hates porn stars. He likes hot illegal chicks instead. 12. AXEL just fucked a hot, illegal chick last night. It was Evil James's mom. 13. Evil James' picked up a hot prostitute on the streets last night. Turns out it was AXEL's mom. 14. What Evil James doesn't know is that AXEL's mom has VD. 15. What Axel doesn't realize is that he gave it to his mom last night when they were making out. 16. What Evil James doesn't know is that his penis is going to rot off now, because AXEL's mom had a rare strain of the VD that causes penis rot. 17. Sith Lords such as Evil James, otherwise known as Darth Varga, are impervious to VD unlike mere mortals such as AXEL. 18. AXEL is no mere mortal, as he is officially Tioneb's illegitimate son. Why do you think he lacks charisma, but is such a great wrestler? 19. Darth Varga once fell in love with a star and became the Stormhold. When she went back to the universe from whench she came, he slowly became...unholy. 20. AXEL once was tied to a hotel bed for two days because his woman left him there. Fucking bitch. Needless to say, when she came back, he strangled her with an electrical cord, essentially murdering her. Then, AXEL was truly... UNHOLY. 21. Darth Varga once killed 30 Ewoks in less than a minute which still stands as the Imperial Universal Record. 22. AXEL holds the record for... Well, he holds the record for something. But I don't know what... YET. 23. Darth Varga once had a date with Salma Hayek. It ended up being a real life version of "Fools Rush In." He knocked her up and she divorced him to go back to Mexico. This only made him hate to love and love to hate. 24. Varga "claims" to have visions of the future. He says of these "visions" that "after the nuclear war, he will be lead the survivors, the Desert Nomads, and be the man who saves humanity despite not being a leader type." 25. AXEL claims that Jake Gyllenhaal was not playing a part in Brokeback Mountain, but that he is indeed gay. 26. Varga is secretly dating Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffanys. They're real party animals, especially Varga who most of his friends are, in fact, animals. 27. No, seriously, Jake Gyllenhaal hit on AXEL at the Emmys last year. C.G. Murder saw it. 28. Varga is the Anti-Christ, according to many sources in the wrestling business. 29. AXEL is so Unholy, that he stole an engaged woman from her fiance', and the woman he stole hasn't thought twice about it. 30. Evil James is so Unholy he once made a Giant Sperm impregnate an egg in the center of the universe that became a giant planet eating fetus baby. 31. AXEL is so Unholy, that his girlfriend went back to her fiance because she's pregnant with her fiance's kid, yet she's still all up on AXEL's nuts. 32. Evil James is endorsing Senator Johnathan Richard Mabus for the presidency because he is "more unholy than Barrack Obama" whom he also claims is Nostradamus' Third Antichrist. 33. Evil James claims the most "unholy" movie character of all time is Benjamin Braddock from "The Graduate" because "I marked out when he kicked his chick's family's ass with a giant cross." 34. Evil James claims that World War III will kill us all on December 12, 2012. 35. AXEL gets more ass in a week than Ron Jeremy gets in a month. Not to mention that his dick is bigger, too. 36. Evil James' favorite NFL player is Tom Brady. Why? Because they both like to have sex with models. 37. AXEL is the greatest thing to EVER grace ANY promotion with his presence. At least, that's what he thinks. 38. Evil James thinks that the movie 'John Rambo' is more gory than most horror movies and therefore that makes Sylvester Stallone another actor endorsed by the Church of the Unholy. 39. It was reported earlier today that AXEL Action is the man who killed Heath Ledger. 40. According to Evil James, AXEL was also Heath's gay lover. 41. At least AXEL can get laid. 42: According to Evil James, he himself gets laid with human females whereas AXEL gets laid with transvestites, hookers, and various humanoid subcreatures. 43. AXEL fucked the Satanic Nun last night. So take that, bitch. 44. According to Evil James, the Satanic Nun is classified as a "humanoid subcreature" so the aforementioned statement he made is true. Official Myspace Page: www.myspace.com/churchoftheunholy