Church of the Unholy

History: The Church of the Unholy was first formed by Belial in 1209 A.D. and the actual Church is located close to the Vatican City in Rome, Italy. It has avoided detection for years. The evil Sith Lord James VARGA, the future Darth Varga, and his best friend and former UWF feud partner AXEL Action found the Church and used VARGA's intimate knowledge of the Dark Arts to get the Church back to power. Now they are out to destroy the world...once and for all!

But then they were torn apart. After a failed weapons raid in China, the group was quickly taken apart and disbanded…or were they. The group’s remnants fled underground. There they made their base the Castle of Blood and continued their operations in secret. Their leadership also made a complex series of alliances with other evil organizations. After doing this, they made their return to the world stage and are now just as powerful as they were before.

Feds: NFW, TEAM, Just Wrestling, HOW, SNM Past Feds: GLOBAL, CoP, GCW, HSW, EPW

The Church Leadership Council (the core leadership of the organization) consists of Dr. Acula (leader), the Horny Mathematician (second in command), Darth Varga (commander of military forces), Wolfen, and C.G. Murder

Current Members: James Varga the Handler (Church Entertainment Director and former AWC superstar) Space Condom Monster of Death Darth Varga (was built a cybernetic suit after he was badly burned and decapitated by Adam and Matt in a Lighstaber duel, saved from death by the Mathematician after a crazy fan shot him, then murdered all of his allies on the Island of Misfit wrestlers, has killed an unknown amount of people in his lifetime, possibly 500, controls a ninja army, created his own Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, allied with the Dictator in taking over the world) Horny Mathematician Wolfen (a werewolf who hates all no furs especially vampires and humans) Dr. Acula Dr. Giggles (Just Wrestling, an schizophrenic doctor with a taste for the macabre) Magnifico the Murderous Midget (non-wrestling, manager of Dr. Giggles, escaped from the asylum with Dr. Giggles) Masked Halloween Psycho Killer Igor (Horny Mathematician's lab assistant) CHUD Cthulu Big Tony The Giant Sperm Xenomorph (tag - Universal Bad Asses) Yautja (tag - Universal Bad Asses) Belial (demon, the Prince of Northern Hell) Grave Digger (a being from another dimension, a dark realm of death and chaos) The Satanic Nun (non-wrestling, manager) Unholy Knights (non-wrestling, bodyguards) Mr. C.G. Murder (non-wrestling, Tioneb's best friend when he was alive, likes to commit murder for fun) Ninjas of Doom, Darth Varga’s ninja army The Unholy Power Rangers (non-wrestling, five Rangers with powers of Demonzords) Unholy Ninjas (non-wrestling, sneak attacks backstage and other dirty deeds) Fallen Demi-God Tioneb (non-wrestling, group leader/unholy deity they worship) Cyber Ninjas (non-wrestling, sneak attacks backstage and other dirty deeds) Possessed Homeless People (non-wrestling, stalking) Unholy Demon Guardians (non-wrestling, guardians of the Church grounds) Unholy Jesters (non-wrestling, do AXEL’s evil deeds at a moment‘s notice) Humanoid Subcreatures (non-wrestling) Hounds of Hell (non-wrestling, guardians of the Church grounds and surrounding wilderness areas) Unholy Druids (non-wrestling, demonic worship and other evil deeds) Unholy Priests (non-wrestling, worshippers of Tioneb who preach his doctrine to the masses) Warlocks (non-wrestling, spell casting) Witches (non-wrestling, spell casting) Critters (non-wrestling, ambush) Ghoulies (non-wrestling, summoned for evil deeds) Wendigo (non-wrestling, protects the Church from Angel Vince who tries to eliminate all mention of Tioneb from Earth to prevent Armageddon) Demonically Possessed Roid Freak (non-wrestling, some crazy roided up body builder who is in love with himself, escaped from jail) Satanzilla (non-wrestling, a giant reptilian Godzilla monster from Hell) Killer Kong (non-wrestling, an evil member of the Donkey Kong family who is psychotic and a brutal murderer) Goofies (non-wrestling, ‘evil’ minions from here who are related to the Ghoulies, more intelligent but more goofy than scary) Giant Man-eating Vagina of Pain Giant Sheep Monsters (non-wrestling) Shark People (non-wrestling) Flying Monkeys (non-wrestling, base defense) Tioneb Hate Guru (non-wrestling, spiritual advisor on hatred) Bear Man (non-wrestling) Cow Man Worm Man Moose Man Deer Man Giant Octopus Giant Chickens Gremlins Inbred Cannibals Giant Rat/Hairless Rat Babies Plant monsters Deformed Freak Creatures Stay Puft Marshmallow Man The Devourer of Worlds (a giant planet-eating fetus baby of death) Robot Zombies Undead Wildlfe The Asshole from Hell (a giant asshole that shoots lava) Ghosts of the Unholy (a giant penis that opens a wormhole to another dimension) (a giant head on a stick that eats things) Footloose Robots of Death Demonic Hamster of DOOM~!, a demonic hamster from hell conjured up by James Varga doing Sith and Dark Art rituals in his basement lab F.A.G. (Freaky Ass Ghoul), creation of James Varga in his basement lab Zombie Tripods (part of Darth Varga's Extermination Squads) Millipede (assassin) Dumpster Man Propellerhead Hamster Man Lobster Man Crab Man Bizarro Freak Inbred Cannibal Mountain Men, killer inbreeding cannibals Squideon/Naked Squideon Giant Fetus of Death, created when the speceship Penistacular went through the egg at the center of the universe/Giant Baby of DOOM~!, destroying the universe and all dimensions in it just by feeding Chameleon, arch-enemy of Cave Hulk, can change colors to blend in with his surroundings Michael Kreuger Jackson, killed by an angry mob of parents after being acquitted by the law, Michael Jackson returned as the undead creature that haunts your nightmares The Used Car Salesman One-Armed Bandit Creature from Beyond Space The Underpants Monster (a monster who steals underwear Nookie Monster (non-wrestling, a monster who only wants to steal nookie from women) Queen of Zombies, leader of the Zombies Giant Spider Fatass Super Fatass Mutated Sharks Humanoids from the Deep Oil Slick Blob Creature Waterlogged Zombies Hockey Mask Killer The Evil Bong

Former and/or Incarcerated members: James Varga (singles) AXEL Action (singles/MIA) Captain Carnage (singles, a psychotic maniac who lives in a world inside his head) Dick (non-wrestling, manager - VARGA/Dark Varga, a pissed off rocker in his forties who talks trash and is blunt about everything) Ace Action (non-wrestling, manager - Team AmeriPAN) Devil Dan (non-wrestling, an annoying prankster in a devil costume) Mecha Stein (non-wrestling, kaiju) Mecha Cheney (non-wrestling, kaiju) Mecha Dio (non-wrestling, kaiju) Midget Varga (non-wrestling) Midget Action (non-wrestling) Boobs McGee (non-wrestling, AXEL's girlfriend) Brandi Blowjob (non-wrestling, VARGA's girlfriend)

NOTE: Here recently the Church of the Unholy's group structure has disentigrated to a point where three large cliques have formed within the group that are still aligned with the group as a whole, but usually break off and hang out together whenever they get a chance. These are the cliques - The Lounge Lizards - this clique's membership consists of Darth Varga (leader), Wolfen, Dr. Giggles, Magnifico the Murderous Midget, CHUD, the Goofies, Big Tony, Squideon, and the Horny Zombie. This group got their name by sitting around all day drinking, getting high, or both and making fun of television shows, other Church members (especially top leadership), and other various subjects instead of doing what they were supposed to be doing. Team Anal - the main Church leadership duo Dr. Acula and the Horny Mathematician lead this clique with most of the Church's members especially the ones who are real suck ups to the bosses, most notably the Unholy Priests Kill Krew - this clique is led by C.G. Murder and consists of all the psychotic murderers who kill for fun every night

Alliances: Circus of Doom (joint merger of groups) Decepticons Galactic Empire Alliance Of Monsters Brotherhood of Evil Creatures Hades Corporation The Dictator/Russian Federation The Dictator’s Assassins (The Misogynist, Pufferfish, Raptor) Groundhog Men (evil subterranean race out to take over the Earth) Straightor (he controls Castle Gayskull and Eternia) Netherrealm Kingdom Chaos Dimension Evil Fish Construction Company (Moneymaster, Piranha Lady, Raper, Painmaster Tyrone, slimy investors, various evil minions) The Army of King Bowser

Enemies: United States Government United Nations NATO People’s Republic of China Italy France Vatican City The Fishermen (Aquadude, Fish Boy, Beach Girl, Surf Man, Doctor Libido, Water Woman, Espionage, Professor S) Nerdy Afro Guy Koala Man and Kangaroo Kid Killer Pirates of the Outer Caribbean The Hulk Family (Cave Hulk, Hobo Hulk, Sombrero Hulk, Inbred Hulk, Cyclops Hulk, Construction Hulk, Fast Food Hulk, Gay Hulk, Bondage Hulk, Prehistoric Hulk, Prehistoric Cave Hulk, Macho Hulk. Stoner Hulk, Incest Hulk, Blue Hulk (member of the Jedi Order), Green Hulk (member of the Jedi Order (relocated, Devonia), The Hulk (member of the Jedi Order), Inbred Hulk, and Shaman Hulk) Swordman The Oid Prince of Shrooms and the Shroom Nation Porno Yoda, a green painted midget porn star Green Peace Hermit the Crab Red Panda (a mysterious man from China) Gaylord of the Universe (he lost control of Castle Gayskull to Starightor, now is on the run yet again) Fluffy (Gaylord of the Universe's Gay Tiger, Gaylord's pet tiger) Psycho Bunny (half-man, half-bunny creature that hates all life - human or no human, has made it his mission to destroy wrestling, the most wanted criminal from the future Earth where he has killed millions and said he did it 'just for fun,' James Varga's oldest character, was created for a project in the second grade as a camoflaudged army bunny)

Church of the Unholy Death Metal Record Label: Label Name - Unholy Brethren, Inc. Bands signed - Castration of the Defrocked Priest, Village of the Inbred, Possession of the Demonic, Humanoid Subcreature

Unholy World Tour: The COTU has officially announced that it will be starting the Twisted Flesh World Tour 2008 as of March 1, 2008

PTC Events: Unholy Antichrist Presidential Candidate Johnathan Richard Mabus took part in IG45 and lost James Varga took place in IG46 and IG47 and lost The Space Condom Monster of Death is taking part in IG49 Darth Varga is participating in the historic IG50

TEAM Events: Evil James is taking part in the TEAM TiT 2008 Evil James has won the TEAM Lethal Lottery Tag Team Championship Twice and the Free For All Championship

Church UNHOLY Facts: 1. VARGA claims that the movie "The Giant Claw" has the Church's seal of approval. 2. AXEL claims that he is the son of the Anti-Christ. 3. Evil James VARGA is the Anti-Christ, so therefore AXEL is the product of his Unholy semen. 4. Evil James VARGA is NOT the Anti-Christ, he just thinks he is. So therefore, AXEL is not the product of his Unholy semen. 5. Evil James VARGA wants to have eyes like Jessica Alba in "The Eye" so he can see shadow humanoid subcreatures taking away the souls of the dead. 6. AXEL Action has demon spawn in 49 of 50 states. 7. Evil James' favorite movies are "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and "The Goonies." 8. AXEL's favorite band is Maroon 5. 9. Evil James' favorite band is Kool and the Gang. 10. AXEL's favorite pornstar is Jenna Jameson. 11. Evil James hates porn stars. He likes hot illegal chicks instead. 12. AXEL just fucked a hot, illegal chick last night. It was Evil James's mom. 13. Evil James' picked up a hot prostitute on the streets last night. Turns out it was AXEL's mom. 14. What Evil James doesn't know is that AXEL's mom has VD. 15. What Axel doesn't realize is that he gave it to his mom last night when they were making out. 16. What Evil James doesn't know is that his penis is going to rot off now, because AXEL's mom had a rare strain of the VD that causes penis rot. 17. Sith Lords such as Evil James, otherwise known as Darth Varga, are impervious to VD unlike mere mortals such as AXEL. 18. AXEL is no mere mortal, as he is officially Tioneb's illegitimate son. Why do you think he lacks charisma, but is such a great wrestler? 19. Darth Varga once fell in love with a star and became the Stormhold. When she went back to the universe from whench she came, he slowly became...unholy. 20. AXEL once was tied to a hotel bed for two days because his woman left him there. Fucking bitch. Needless to say, when she came back, he strangled her with an electrical cord, essentially murdering her. Then, AXEL was truly... UNHOLY. 21. Darth Varga once killed 30 Ewoks in less than a minute which still stands as the Imperial Universal Record. 22. AXEL holds the record for... Well, he holds the record for something. But I don't know what... YET. 23. Darth Varga once had a date with Salma Hayek. It ended up being a real life version of "Fools Rush In." He knocked her up and she divorced him to go back to Mexico. This only made him hate to love and love to hate. 24. Varga "claims" to have visions of the future. He says of these "visions" that "after the nuclear war, he will be lead the survivors, the Desert Nomads, and be the man who saves humanity despite not being a leader type." 25. AXEL claims that Jake Gyllenhaal was not playing a part in Brokeback Mountain, but that he is indeed gay. 26. Varga is secretly dating Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffanys. They're real party animals, especially Varga who most of his friends are, in fact, animals. 27. No, seriously, Jake Gyllenhaal hit on AXEL at the Emmys last year. C.G. Murder saw it. 28. Varga is the Anti-Christ, according to many sources in the wrestling business. 29. AXEL is so Unholy, that he stole an engaged woman from her fiance', and the woman he stole hasn't thought twice about it. 30. Evil James is so Unholy he once made a Giant Sperm impregnate an egg in the center of the universe that became a giant planet eating fetus baby. 31. AXEL is so Unholy, that his girlfriend went back to her fiance because she's pregnant with her fiance's kid, yet she's still all up on AXEL's nuts. 32. Evil James is endorsing Senator Johnathan Richard Mabus for the presidency because he is "more unholy than Barrack Obama" whom he also claims is Nostradamus' Third Antichrist. 33. Evil James claims the most "unholy" movie character of all time is Benjamin Braddock from "The Graduate" because "I marked out when he kicked his chick's family's ass with a giant cross." 34. Evil James claims that World War III will kill us all on December 12, 2012. 35. AXEL gets more ass in a week than Ron Jeremy gets in a month. Not to mention that his dick is bigger, too. 36. Evil James' favorite NFL player is Tom Brady. Why? Because they both like to have sex with models. 37. AXEL is the greatest thing to EVER grace ANY promotion with his presence. At least, that's what he thinks. 38. Evil James thinks that the movie 'John Rambo' is more gory than most horror movies and therefore that makes Sylvester Stallone another actor endorsed by the Church of the Unholy. 39. It was reported earlier today that AXEL Action is the man who killed Heath Ledger. 40. According to Evil James, AXEL was also Heath's gay lover. 41. At least AXEL can get laid. 42: According to Evil James, he himself gets laid with human females whereas AXEL gets laid with transvestites, hookers, and various humanoid subcreatures. 43. AXEL fucked the Satanic Nun last night. So take that, bitch. 44. According to Evil James, the Satanic Nun is classified as a "humanoid subcreature" so the aforementioned statement he made is true. 45. Nothin' says lovin' like somethin' from the oven. But that doesn't apply to AXEL, as his love is universal. Humans and humanoid subcreatures alike can have sex with AXEL, as long as they have big tits. 46. Evil James is more picky about his lovers with AXEL. For example, his lovers also have to have a great ass and a vagina to go with the big tits. 47. AXEL thinks that Evil James shouldn't be so picky, because he's an ugly motherfucker, and beggars can't be choosers. 48. And also, for the record, ALL of AXEL's lovers have vaginas. 49. Except for Heath Ledger, who, according to Evil James, "Had both a penis and a vagina. But his penis was removed after filming Brokeback Mountain so AXEL's statement is, indeed, correct." 50. AXEL is a COMPLETE shitbird~!, according to his PTC peers. It's a title that he proudly upholds. 51. Evil James is completely out of control but in control at the same time. 52. It's AXEL's opinion that some people can be such bitches. 53. Evil James takes full responsibility for the viral outbreaks in Las Vegas. However, he will soon deny it and blame it all on "the terrorist regime" and ask the nation to show a lot of "resolve." 54. Evil James started an Unholy record label for the Church called Unholy Brethren Records. 55. Evil James claims that he will survive the Apocalypse on December 12, 2012 in order to pass on his knowledge to the last remnants of humanity left in the wastelands of the world. Official Myspace Page: [www.myspace.com/churchoftheunholy]